No Happy Endings Here

HIGH Finding a machinegun just before I ran into an armor-clad behemoth.
LOW Finding out the hard way that it’s possible to drown!
WTF Is that a speaker growing out of a mound of flesh?
HIGH Death Bear!
LOW The Clone fight drags on and on.
WTF Is that Audrey II?
HIGH Meeting up with my buds to look at a tent.
LOW Forgetting which teddy I put the matches in.
WTF “I think my thing is cannibalism, guys.”
HIGH That’s a way more satisfying final boss fight than the original.
LOW Groups of more than two zombies can stun-lock like mad.
WTF I’m sad that the giant worm boss didn’t make the cut.
HIGH The opening sequence effectively captures the spirit of the films.
LOW Why am I killing people with Nailbats? This isn't Condemned 3.
WTF There is glass on the floor. The dead people have shoes. I can't take them because…?
Recent Comments