New? No. Tasty? Well…

HIGH Shooting Sligs while impersonating one.
LOW Dying ten times in a row because of wonky throwing controls.
WTF Seeing advertisements for other games in the Oddworld factories.
HIGH A new chance to experience a game ahead of its time…
LOW …that still feels a bit dated today.
WTF It’s still nice to find the old Mass Effect 2 DLC armor, though.
HIGH One of the greatest racing games is now on a handheld.
LOW That $50 price tag.
WTF Where the hell is the sequel?
HIGH The updated art style is bright, colorful and cartoonish.
LOW Getting stuck after missing an item.
WTF Using toenails to unscrew screws.
HIGH The writing and look of classic SpongeBob.
LOW Textures look a little rough.
WTF What’s up with Mr. Krabs’ voice?
HIGH A story Scorsese would be proud of.
LOW That checkpoint system.
WTF This is what they call a remaster?
HIGH “Power” by Kanye West is the best superhero theme music.
LOW The treatment of women.
WTF I would exceed this review’s word limit listing all the WTFs here.
HIGH Faithful rendering of D&D 3rd Ed. rules. Cross-play with PC.
LOW Technical issues, cumbersome controls, poor tutorial.
WTF Why not include the D&D3E Player’s Handbook?
HIGH The museum section offers significant historical value.
LOW The collection is missing Aladdin’s Capcom-made SNES version.
WTF Lion King is still stupidly hard.
Welcome to This Is Not A Review. In these articles we discuss
general impressions, ideas and thoughts on any given game, but as the title
implies, it’s not a review. Instead, it’s an exercise in offering a quick
recommendation (or dismissal) after spending enough time to grasp the ideas and
gameplay of a thing without necessarily playing it from A to Z.
The subject of this installment: Final Fantasy VIII
Remastered, developed and published by Square Enix.
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