Welcome to This Is Not A Review. In these articles we discuss
general impressions, ideas and thoughts on any given game, but as the title
implies, it’s not a review. Instead, it’s an exercise in offering a quick
recommendation (or dismissal) after spending enough time to grasp the ideas and
gameplay of a thing without necessarily playing it from A to Z.
The subject of this installment: Final Fantasy VIII
Remastered, developed and published by Square Enix.
HIGH When players finally wrap their heads around the game’s intricacies
LOW That the task of comprehending the systems is so onerous to begin with
WTF Why is the Cup Noodle DLC the Royal Raiment for Noctis and *not* his Cup Noodle helmet?!
The ten best experiences GameCritics.com staffer Jarrod Johnston had in 2017
HIGH Hee hee hee! Look at Rikku’s chubby little face! Ha ha!
LOW So… many… random… encounters.
WTF What the honk? Really?
HIGH: It feels just like the JRPG classics of old.
LOW: It feels JUST like the JRPG classics of old.
WTF: After 30 hours I still don’t know how some things work.
HIGH That soundtrack!
LOW Hitting level-locked story beats and having to grind for hours to continue with the game.
WTF The writing in an online MMO is significantly more accomplished than in the entire FFXIII series.
HIGH It comes with a demo for Final Fantasy XV…
LOW Listening to another FF filled with nonsensical gibberish like "l'Cie"
WTF Why are we still in the Final Fantasy XIII
High: Tapping and sliding along to favorite Final Fantasy songs
Low: The story is as weak as wet tissue paper
WTF: Why are the character models so creepy?
HIGH The new, more expressive character models.
LOW Jumping through ridiculous hoops for 100% completion.
WTF The new quick recovery feature pauses the game everywhere except the Thunder Plains in FFX.
HIGH The music during the Ultima Weapon fight.
LOW Lag death.
WTF Someone needs to give Square-Enix an intervention for their crystal addiction.
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