The Body As A Temple Of Doom HIGH Bloody Mary and her sweetheart. LOW The third chapter, boringly premised and absurdly presented. WTF I defeated a spider by knocking it into a shallow hole? You know they crawl up walls, right? Angie Weathers is dying of cancer and there is […]
Author: Sparky Clarkson
HIGH Petting the dog! Players must pet the dog.
LOW Spending too much time getting Chaz to the sax in “Crouching Bassline, Hidden Saxophone”.
WTF Why do these people take their instruments everywhere?
HIGH The first sight of the colony’s oxygen engine.
LOW Trying to figure out how to back eject from an ice climb on a sharp time limit.
WTF The ships still have fuel enough to launch?
HIGH You can pet the dog AND the cat!
LOW Having to pause constantly for loading screens.
WTF Was that carrot laced with arsenic?
HIGH Taking down the maximum number of enemies with card plays left.
LOW Redrawing an entire hand of unusable heroics… only to get new unusable heroics.
WTF Why are there so many kinds of currency you can’t buy?
HIGH Dealing 5 million damage and completely healing my party on the verge of defeat.
LOW Nuking a boss before a cutscene where the same boss was wrecking my party.
WTF Can we not have a colony full of preteens in skintight suits please?
In 2007, Assassin’s Creed fused elements of stealth and platforming gameplay into something new. An imperfect and at times clunky game, it nonetheless sparked wide interest thanks to its unique approach to play and strikingly detailed historical setting. With a few further refinements, it became a landmark franchise.
Circling In The Dark
HIGH A played childbirth sequence is a bold choice.
LOW Oh, the rug is being pulled out at the last second again! Color me surprised.
WTF So many matches and oilcans in these ancient Roman ruins!
We Fthagned Like Wild Animals
HIGH The Therapist’s mad speech about lust.
LOW Guessing wrong and having to redo 20 minutes of exploration.
WTF Is that..? Yep, it’s a sex QTE.
HIGH The moment when I first realized the rafts were really rafts.
LOW Reaching an island with no clear exit.
WTF This seems like a pretty inaccessible museum.