Author: Sparky Clarkson

Mafia III Review

Bored On The Bayou

HIGH The sharply-paced opening sequence and its climactic cutscene.

LOW Competing in the awful, rubber-banded street races.

WTF Cops won’t reliably go after me for shooting a guy, but if I dent a cop car, they’ll gun me down. Just like real life!


Wasted Review

Like your time

Wasted

HIGH Taking out an S.O.B. Purifier

LOW Losing everything because I took the wrong fork at the start of a level.

WTF This is the grossest take on Richard Nixon ever, right?


Anima: Gate of Memories Review

Forget it

Anima

HIGH The boss fight against Kappel shows off most of the game’s best ideas.

LOW A boss fight where my controls got inverted and then I got stun-locked to death.

WTF Ergo singing a knockoff of the “Reading Rainbow” theme.


TurnOn Review

Identity Crisis

TurnOn

HIGH Uniting the dopey lovers at the café.

LOW The runner level with the Ferris wheel.

WTF This skyscraper sure has a lot of exposed external wiring on it, huh.


Stories: The Path of Destinies Review

Groundhog Fox

Stories:The Path of Destinies_20160407132542

HIGH Finally getting a decent ending.

LOW Basically any fight after about the first three playthroughs.

WTF You have sky pirates, magic gems, floating islands, and an anthropomorphic fox hero and the best title you could manage was Stories: The Path of Destinies? Seriously?


Mysterious Castle Review

Obvious Hovel

Mysterious Castle Review Screenshot

HIGH It didn't take long.

LOW A puzzle was so badly bugged that I had to restart a whole level in order to deal with it.

WTF Seriously, how does that even happen in a game this short and this thin?

Into the Stars Review

Empty Space

Into the Stars Review Screenshot

HIGH The opening movie and game environment look awesome.

LOW Traveling between planets.

WTF Wait, so the human race is escaping evil aliens by moving to a planet in an area heavily patrolled by them?