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This Is Not A Review: Astroneer

Welcome to This is Not a Review. In these articles we discuss general impressions, ideas and thoughts on any given game, but as the title implies, it’s not a review. Instead, it’s an exercise in offering a quick recommendation (or dismissal) after spending enough time to grasp the ideas and gameplay of a thing without necessarily playing it from A to Z.

The subject of this installment: Astroneer, developed and published by System Era Softworks, and available in early access on both PC and Xbox One.


Bucket Detective Review

Oh, Was That The line Back There? Did I Cross It?

HIGH Laughing one moment, shocked the next, and wrapping it all up with a little bow of terror.

LOW “Puzzle game” and “Guess-randomly-because-I-don’t-even-know game” are the same here.

WTF Unexplained naked guys with masks of the Dark Lord?


Horizon: Zero Dawn Review

A Misguided Journey

HIGH The first four or five hours are amazing.

LOW Getting mobbed by three different kinds of enemies in the desert.

WTF A lot of this game feels seems directly lifted from Far Cry: Primal


Football Manager 2017 Review

Football, Bloody Hell

High: Scoring a 90th minute victory in a must-win cup game and celebrating.

Low: Losing days. Forgetting to eat. Inevitable divorce.

WTF: Truly believing your accomplishments belong on a CV.


Nioh Review

Not Just Shogun Souls

HIGH The feeling of one-shotting a boss.

LOW Lots of re-used environmental assets.

WTF How does something that small have a tongue that huge?


The King of Fighters XIV review

It’s Good To Be King

KOFXV

HIGH Oni Hanmon Level 2 > Climax Cancel > Raging Storm.

LOW It’s looking better than before, but could still use more graphical flourishes.

WTF Sylvie Paula Paula’s in the roster. Blue Mary, Yamazaki, Whip and Vanessa are not.


For Honor Review

At Least There’s No Tower Climbing

HIGH A duel against a player of equal skill level.

LOW What passes for a single-player campaign.

WTF “You cannot join this session because it is full.” Then why did you put me there, game?!