That's right, you heard me. I've been playing your game "Saint's Row", and while the vast majority of the content falls under the standard GTA rip-off umbrella category of toothless satire and gangster juvenalia, there's one thing that I found truly offensive.

Freckle Bitch's.

For those who haven't played the game, Freckle Bitch's is the preferred fast-food eatery in the world of Saint's Row. If that name seems painfully crude, avoid the game, because that's the absolute pinnacle of the wit on display.

The premise of 'Freckle Bitch's' is that Wendy (the little girl from the restaurant), all grown up into a white trash whore, has opened a chain of fast food joints of her own. It has menu items whose names are all bad single entendres of one sort or another, and a sign that depicts Wendy (the 'Freckle Bitch') sitting, legs splayed, dressed as Daisy Duke's far sluttier cousin. Although, by Daisy Duke I obviously mean Catherine Bach, because no one could be sluttier than Jessica Simpson.

Why is this so offensive to me? I'm not really sure, after all, who could have guessed I felt this strongly about a corporate mascot? Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that in the amoral and socially irresponsible world of corporate fast food, (the recently departed) Dave Thomas always seemed like the only decent person. I'd go so far as to guess that he was likely the only man in the whole industry who actually possessed a working soul, and there was just something innocent and charming about the fact that he named his business after his daughter. What Volition has done is gone ahead and leveraged those decades of goodwill for a pathetic joke that would have been just as funny (read as: not at all) were it not a reference, and just an original childish, misogynistic jibe.

Although, to be fair, it's still better than True Crime: New York's fast food chain, Fart Taco.

Seriously, though. Volition, go f*ck yourselves.

Daniel Weissenberger

Daniel Weissenberger

What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died?

Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny, who's updating this profile for the first time in thirteen years!

So let's take a gander back at that time and see what's happened! In addition to writing hundreds of video game reviews, Dan produced a book that can be legally purchased by almost anyone! He also wrote two short films, two episodes of television, and two movies! Although, sadly, and through much fault of his own, the movies have yet to be released.

In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast - he's even working on a new videogame/critical experiment, which you can find out more about here!

If all that wasn't enough, just a few months ago he rebranded himself as 'The Hidden Object Guru', hoping to stake another claim of ultimate expertise, this time over a genre of casual games! Will he be successful? Only time will tell, but you're free to join the thrilling ride at his YouTube channel!
Daniel Weissenberger

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hothamwater
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hothamwater

Isn’t this the guy with a book called “King of the Ching Chong Chinamen?” Yeah, that’s not a horrific racial slur

locust34kk
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locust34kk

And 10 years later…ironically, look at her on twitter today.
I’d say she turned pretty b*tchy (not in this sense but anyways, she’s a bad bad girl now)

Jason
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Jason

Tell us how you really feel.

Chi Kong Lui
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Chi Kong Lui

Comments closed due to excessive spam.

Snack Eater
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Snack Eater

Okay, admittedly I did mistake fury for self-congratulation, or something, sometimes when it’s late at night I tend to mistake fury for self-congratulation what can I say I’ve got a condition, but I don’t think keeping the discussion on the same level playing field is ultimately going to get anyone anywhere. In order to beat Volition (a name that lends itself somewhat well to supervillainy) you don’t have to stoop to their level. There needs to be a massive literacy upgrade all across the world of game criticism if games will have any hope of evolving within the next decade,… Read more »

Daniel Weissenberger
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Daniel Weissenberger

Well of course you’re better than me, Snack – we’ve both known that for years – but that’s not the issue. Really, it’s my fault for trying to speak to Volition in terms that they could understand. As for offering something better, well, I’m not being paid to design a video game, but since you asked, my suggestion is that next time they’re making a game, it not be unbelievably misogynistic and crude, and perhaps have something to offer for someone whose maturitly level escaped the 6th grade and isn’t afraid of women. Also, you seem to be mistaking fury… Read more »

Snack Eater
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Snack Eater

While I can certainly agree with the sentiment, as I do think Volition is a lackluster company amongst many (though the name “Freckle Bitch’s” has a certain low charm to me for some inexplicable reason, though probably if I’d play the game the supposed offensiveness of it would sink in), I don’t think calling them on a lack of effort is appropriate when all you yourself have to offer is “go fuck yourselves” and a pat on your own back for having the cojones to come out and tell the people like it is or some horseshit. I do not… Read more »

Daniel Weissenberger
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Daniel Weissenberger

Okay, so I overreacted to them, and you overreacted to me… so if I could just get someone to overreact this comment, we could hit the 4X multiplier!

Enduro
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Enduro

This reminds me of a time I accidentally didn’t yield for a pedestrian in the crosswalk and she flipped me off. I felt really bad for not yielding, as I honestly didn’t see her. But, at the same time, I couldn’t help but think her over-reaction to the situation was somehow worse than my initial mistake. Volition’s use of “Freckle Bitches” may be in poor taste and lack a certain amount of class, but I can’t help but think that Daniel’s venom-filled rant about it is far more offensive and, to use his words, far trashier. On the one hand,… Read more »

Mike Bracken
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Mike Bracken

Guess that pushed a button for you. Doesn’t do much for me except make me go “Christ, that was the best they could come up with?”

Dave did seem like a pretty good guy, though.