Author: Sparky Clarkson

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood Review

We are a Crowd of Knives

Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood Screenshot

HIGH Finishing a round of Manhunt with no deaths.

LOW Pulling off the tank mission almost perfectly, only to be hit and fail the full synchronization objective at the last second.

WTF Spawning, losing my contract, and getting stabbed in the face within the span of about ten seconds.

Fallout: New Vegas Review

Yes, that's a Kick in the Head

Fallout: New Vegas Screenshot

HIGH Getting to the final boss and talking him out of a fight.

LOW The innumerable bugs and crashes.

WTF Man, where to begin? The gang of Elvises? The blond-wigged Nightkin in love with a robot? This whole game is screwy.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Review

Why so Serious?

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Screenshot

HIGH Watching what looks like a separately animated scene reveal itself as part of a level.

LOW Episodes that hang around long after they've stopped being interesting.

WTF Catman? Clock King? Every time I think I've seen the weirdest Batman villain…

Nier Second Opinion

Method Playing

Nier Screenshot

HIGH Walking from third-person combat into a text adventure game.

LOW Some overly-melodramatic cutscenes in the… Oh, who am I kidding, it's the fishing.

WTF Walking from third-person combat into a text adventure game.

Metroid: Other M Review

Subtraction by Addition

Metroid: Other M Screenshot

HIGH When the game starts inverting and magnifying gravity.

LOW The cut-scene preceding a major boss encounter that depicts Samus as a sobbing child.

WTF Could you have maybe let me use the Varia suit before I spent all that time dying from heat?

Limbo Second Opinion

What you Don't Know Will Kill you… Twice

Limbo Screenshot

HIGH Every moment a spider is on the screen.

LOW A puzzle near the end that relies on a blind jump.

WTF The danger-free puzzles feel like they belong in another game.

Mafia II Review

Actually, it is for Nothing

Mafia II Screenshot

HIGH Eddie and Joe singing along drunkenly to "Return to me" in the car.

LOW The preceding half-hour, during which they vomit constantly.

WTF I failed one mission because the guy I was tailing ran into a taxi of his own accord.

DeathSpank Review

I Liked Him Better as a Pirate

DeathSpank Screenshot

HIGH The orphan Annie quest, which is humorously referential and also cute.

LOW The tedious, difficult, and somewhat buggy Pippin Apple quest line.

WTF I'm supposed to study a Thongolith?