Shinji Mikami

Welcome to the World of Shooting Gallery Horror

HIGH The triumphant return of Hunter Gammas!

LOW Instant-death QTEs in a rail shooter.

WTF It is impossible to decapitate a zombie with a shotgun. Make of that what you will.

So... Dream Team, eh?

HIGH The Moor Pu Dekcuf.

LOW The "Big Boner" and chase sequences.

WTF Justine looks like a reject from the Metal Gear Solid series.

Magnifico, Indeed

HIGH Killing six demons with a single Hot Boner.

LOW The boring switch puzzles right before the final boss.

WTF If I had to pick one, it'd be the discovery that strawberries are made of ground up tongues. Really, the entire game is a giant WTF.

I must begin with a disclaimer that I didn't like Shadows of the Damned very much, and I'm not sure if I'll bother finishing it (this coming from a man who didn't even give up on Flower, Sun, and Rain). The gameplay is standard, if unusually finicky, third-person shooting that borrows a stun mechanic from Alan Wake, the art direction is not particularly interesting, and the humor is something I'm about 20 years too old to appreciate.

More Boner Jokes than You Can Shake a Dick At

HIGH The interplay between Garcia and Johnson is often quite hilarious. I loved these characters, despite their inherent cheesiness. Oh, and the Evil Dead homage level.

LOW Avoiding a recurring enemy who instantly kills you when she touches you. The game's controls make that far more challenging than it should be at certain points.

WTF Seriously, this whole game is one giant WTF?!? moment.

If this Combat had a Taste, it would be Quite Delicious

HIGH: Exploding an enemy with their own projectile as it launches in glorious slow motion.

LOW: The unskippable first-person interactive cut-scenes bring the pacing to a halt.

WTF: Why is Sam's visor set at his mouth when he exposes his entire face to smoke?

From Blueprint to Bible and Back Again

HIGH Every time I backflipped off of a gorgie, slowed time in midair and blew the heads off of three others before touching the ground. This happened often.

LOW Restarting a stage and getting blown away by a starship-class laser before the chapter title had even faded from the screen.

WTF A tie between the dancing gorgies, and the fact that not one of them was doing the robot.

Shoot, Run, Take Cover and... Slide?

HIGH Taking down two giant robots at once with barely a scratch.

LOW Overheating the suit while surrounded by enemies.

WTF Why do weapon levels get reset when replaying stages?

Game Description: Directed by Shinji Mikami, the creator of the Resident Evil series, Vanquish is a sci-fi shooter that sees players take the role of Sam, a government agent kitted out with a futuristic battle suit. A versatile fighter with a huge arsenal of weaponry at his disposal, Sam also has an array of martial arts skills that he can use to take down his robot enemies.

An Outdated Roller Coaster That's Still a Good Ride

HIGH Co-op is a great addition to the Resident Evil formula.

LOW The controls are way out of touch with current standards.

WTF A half-naked tribesman drops grenade rounds? Where were they hidden, exactly?