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The Dishwasher: Vampire Smile Review

I was a Cyborg Ninja Assassin

The Dishwasher: Vampire Smile Screenshot

HIGH: Finally beating a particularly nasty wave of bad guys in the second-to-last level.

LOW: Realizing that the strategy for every single enemy is "warp behind them, then attack."

WTF: The text RPG boss.

The Tempura of the Dead Review

Deep-Fried (?) 8-bit Goodness

The Tempura of the Dead Screenshot

HIGH Getting a huge Tempura combo...

LOW ...and losing it by falling down a pit at the end of the level.

WTF Is up with the Tempura reference? I thought that was to do with deep-frying.

Video: Have Princess Peach and Zelda fallen for their captors?

So all of these years that Mario and Link—and by Mario and Link I mean me—have been devoting themselves to rescuing these ladies and it turns out they don't even appreciate it?

Splatterhouse Review

Bloody as Hell

Splatterhouse Screenshot

HIGH Revving the chainsaw and delivering a long string of one-hit-kills.

LOW The 2D segments desperately need tuning.

WTF Penetrating an enemy's neck hole with its own head, over and over again.

Video: Why Yoshi hates Mario

I actually remember that section of that level in Super Mario World quite well. If it's any consolation to Yoshi, it wasn't an easy decision to make at the time.

Video: Koopa gets a star

Mario needs to be more careful with those stars. We could have wound up with a new series of games like Super Koopa 64, Super Koopa Kart, Dr. Koopa or Koopa Party.

Spelunker HD Review

Cave of Wonders

Spelunker HD Screenshot

HIGH Completing all ten stages of a new area on the first attempt.

LOW 10,000 feet so far.

WTF How is the spelunker supposed to get back to the surface?

The Bossness of Sonic's Bosses

Due to a slight tug of nostalgia that the recently released Sonic the Hedgehog 4 was unable to satisfy, I went back and played through all of the games that comprised Sonic's glory days. You know how it feels when you watch 10-year-old highlight reels of some sports team you care about? How you're reminded of how good they used to be? It was kind of like that. Between Sonic 1-3/Knuckles and Sonic CD I truly felt like they held up after all this time.

Video: The problem with warp whistles

In honor of the upcoming release of Super Mario All-Stars: Limited Edition, here is another Super Mario send up from the guys at College Humor. It makes you feel bad for skipping to the end of Super Mario Bros. 3—not that any of us did that of course.

GameCritics.com Podcast Episode 43 Transcript

Transcript of GameCritics.com Podcast Episode 43: Our Earliest Gaming Memories, and Sweet, Sweet Pinball

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