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Old 05-01-2010, 03:55 PM   #1
IceFire
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Please Rate This Review: Just Cause 2

Just Cause 2 Review
Just Cause 2 is a sandbox third-person shooter made and developed by Square Enix. But, mind you, calling Just Cause 2 a sandbox game is like saying Hitler was a bit of a bully. The world map is massive, but crowded. You can hardly sneeze without tripping over another settlement.
You play Hispanic agent Rico Rodriguez, who is dumped off in some fictional South Asian country to blow shit up, okay, okay, ďcause chaosĒ but blowing shit up is the only way ďchaosĒ is started. Rodriguez is also equipped with a hook-shot and an unlimited amount of parachutes. But why would you use the parachutes when you can simply hook-shot into the ground? Thatís right! You can escape base jumping from 20,000 ft in the air by hook-shotting into the ground. I donít know how this works. Maybe the designers were face-down in a bucket of cocaine at the time. Also, since you donít have your green card, you have to buy all your items from a Black Market. Itís not an actual Market, just one guy in a helicopter trying to sound like Smokey the Bear if he was high.
Three things I would change about this game:
1. Please let me buy more than one thing from the black market! You have to call Smokey, then go through a cut-scene, then order what you want, and then go through another cut-scene! So, if you want some C-4, a Sniper Rifle, and a car to get you to where youíre going, youíll have to do ALL of that 3 times!
2. Do not charge me for something if I buy it, die, and load my last auto save. I once bought a jet, tried to take off, hit a tree, died, reloaded, AND I WAS STILL $30,000 SHORT! I loaded the last save BEFORE I bought the jet. Why the fuck would you still charge me for it?!
3. Shorter death sequences. You will die in this game, guaranteed. The death sequence is that when you die, the screen goes gray and dramatic sound clips play. I can respect that. But if you die to a trigger-happy NPC, or even a Parkinsonís patient, the game will CONTINUE TO SHOW YOUR BODY GETTING MUTILATED! One time I died jumping off the side of a mountain, and the death sequence took, no joke, 12 cocking minutes. I could have made and eaten two chip sandwiches in the time it took to see my body endlessly toil down the Cliffside. Itís like the game is pissing in your face, then skipping around your torched corpse like a giggly schoolgirl.
The graphics are wonderful. Not CryEngine wonderful, but still good. The physics engine is also a schizoid. Itís about as dodgy as a Cenobyte with brain cancer.
Overall, Just Cause 2 is a game for fucking around, and I would recommend it to you if you had about a month free, and 6MB free on your hard drive.
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Old 05-01-2010, 04:02 PM   #2
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Re: Please Rate This Review: Just Cause 2

Yeah, I didn't put High, Low, or WTF, but I got places to be.
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Old 05-03-2010, 01:25 AM   #3
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Re: Please Rate This Review: Just Cause 2

Yeah, I didn't provide any feedback, but I got places to be.
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Old 05-03-2010, 01:44 PM   #4
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Re: Please Rate This Review: Just Cause 2

Yeah, I'm not giving a fuck, but I got places to be.
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