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Old 06-01-2011, 10:32 PM   #16
Eric Bowman
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

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Originally Posted by SparkyClarkson View Post
This looks pretty good, but that paragraph about dramatic weight still needs some work. It ends up being redundant; if you like the second way you phrased it better, just use that. Also, the paragraph makes the main story sound oppressive rather than intense, which may not be what you're going for. Maybe don't say that you "desperately" wanted to get away from it.

There are still a few minor grammatical things you should check, too. For instance, the sentence "Perhaps I want this game to be too much like a Grand Theft Auto..." is a run-on and has a subject-verb agreement error.

Otherwise, I agree that it's pretty close.
Thanks for the advice, Sparky. I see what you mean about the dramatic weight paragraph, I'll work on making it more concise.
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Old 06-02-2011, 07:43 PM   #17
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I've made a fifth draft, addressing Sparky's criticisms. (Check OP)

Thanks for reading
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Old 06-03-2011, 01:14 PM   #18
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

Good work. Green light from me.
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Old 06-03-2011, 09:17 PM   #19
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

Green light.
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Old 06-03-2011, 09:58 PM   #20
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

Thank you to everyone who provided feedback on this review, it was infinitely useful. I look forward to returning the favor next time one of you posts a review. Special thanks to Richard and Sparky for the green light.
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Old 06-03-2011, 11:08 PM   #21
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

Nice work Decabo. DM me on Twitter with your real name and I'll let the powers that be know that this is ready.
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Old 06-04-2011, 01:23 PM   #22
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

Got your DM. I've sent it off to the editors. They may have some more feedback for you, but if not it'll go into the queue.
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Old 06-04-2011, 04:42 PM   #23
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

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Originally Posted by Richard Naik View Post
Got your DM. I've sent it off to the editors. They may have some more feedback for you, but if not it'll go into the queue.
Okay, thanks.
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Old 06-05-2011, 10:39 AM   #24
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

Great work.Green light!
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Old 06-05-2011, 04:20 PM   #25
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

Yay!
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Old 06-12-2011, 07:35 PM   #26
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

I just found out about GameCritics, and I have to say this user submission thing is really cool. Very interesting review.
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Old 07-02-2011, 09:05 AM   #27
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

Submission posted.
http://www.gamecritics.com/guest-cri...second-opinion
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