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Old 05-01-2012, 02:32 PM   #4
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Essex, UK
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Re: Sonic the Hedgehog, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love my Mortality

Hello Payne,

I tend to agree with Jaradcel on their take for your post in that more work is needed.

Just a couple of thoughts to add.

I do like the concept of looking at a review from a different angle, but I find your piece more "confessional" in nature without an overall argument in mind. You may want to give a little more time to think about what you wanted to get across in your article, because currently the writing feels like an early draft as you are grappling for meaning. Without a destination in mind your review lacks a centerpiece to hold it together and it lacks focus.

Instead of a review had you considered rewriting this as a standalone article about how gaming has affected your life? It is apparent that Sonic has somehow reminded you that all things will end and fade away....whether it be our individual lives, or indeed the technology we choose to fill it with in the case of the rather unreliable 360 (of which I have got through two models so far myself). Or perhaps you are attempting to understand how playing Sonic has caused you to have certain epiphanies at different phases of your life?

I can't comment on the game content you touch on because the Sonic games have never held much interest for me. I played the first one a few times in the early 90's and remember little but the rush of the speed and the sight of rings flying off me as I made contact with something I shouldn't have!

All the best, and good luck with your writing.
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