View Single Post
Old 07-09-2011, 03:59 PM   #6
SparkyClarkson
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Waltham
Posts: 46
Rep Power: 5 SparkyClarkson is an unknown quantity at this point
Re: Please Rate This Review: Portal 2 Third Opinion

The second paragraph starts out a little rough. "Case in point" seems an odd thing to say, since you're obviously talking about Portal 2. The sentence after that is a fragment. Try to be as clear as you can about what you're trying to say in that spot.

Paragraph 7 (about the old research area) needs some work. "To put it plainly" is just empty verbiage, and "I think there was literally four areas..." has a number of obvious problems grammatically and in style. "Literally" should be avoided because, if accurate, it's unnecessary, and if not, it's a lie.

The following paragraph is a catalog of examples that could be a bit better written and made into a more cohesive idea. The puzzles you're describing are mostly built around a trick of "seeing", rather than thinking. Perhaps build out from that idea.

Work on it a bit. It's close.
SparkyClarkson is offline   Reply With Quote