I'm with Jason. There's a lot of passive voice in the review, which weakens the statements you are trying to make. But there are a lot of good ideas.
I'd love to see how you would change the game (i.e. your WTF idea but fleshed out) and expand on your histry with the Star Wars universe.
A great first effort! (P.S. Check a couple of spelling things, but that's because I'm a Grammar Nerd