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Old 08-17-2009, 08:18 AM   #2
Jason Karney
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Re: Please rate this review - Star Wars : The Force Unleashed

Hi JoshMoore,

First, kudos on following the site's review format. That's a good start if you're interested in working through this to be published on our site.

"Which is part of the reason why I had such reservations about playing Star Wars : The Force Unleashed. On top of that, I heard it was full of glitches and bugs, and that it was uneven and frustrating." ==>I try not to say "I heard about" things, although it can work. I don't think this paragraph stands on its own. Maybe say you were concerned with rumored glitches; and rephrase/combine these first paragraphs.

"You play as...." or "You are sent..." need to be modified. Please avoid this second-person style. Try "the gamer...," "the player is...." or "I...". Go for first or third person.

"There were multiple occasions where I felt like snapping the disc in half, and cutting my throat on the serrated edge. " ==> Very visceral. Nice.

All that said, I don't get a feeling for what you really liked about the game, or during it. Mainly I don't get what's it's like to PLAY the game, and that's what you need to bring out. The third paragraph is a decent summary of the gist of the plot, but I think the nature of these missions could be expanded upon. What's it like to play them? How did you think/act/feel?

Paragraphs 3 and 5 both touch on the game's story and themes; these should be grouped together and given more detail, but without spoiling the game's plot.

Your last paragraph seems like an add-on; it would fit best as the beginning of the paragraph before it.

So I get that you liked the game and it reminded you of the Star Wars of old; but I'm still not sure why. You enjoyed it despite its flaws: because it was a masochistic challenge, or because the story kept you going, or something else? This reinforces what I wrote earlier, that readers will want to know how you felt or what you experienced playing the game; what drew you back and WHY.

Thanks for posting. Keep on writin'!

--Jason
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