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Old 02-17-2009, 10:33 AM   #4
Jason Karney
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Re: Can you just give me feedback on my review? Rainbow Six Vegas 2

I agree with Brad about shortening the review; it's a bit lengthy.

You mention the first game's "phenomenal and decadent campaign," but that's a lot to take for granted, especially for someone who hasn't played the first game. It's very subjective, and something that deserves a one- or two-sentence overview/example rather than just being stated like that.

Your writing picks up after the first few paragraphs, and it's evident you know the game and the genre; this really comes through. That's good, and keep with that, but again in a little less detail.

The previous poster says to show don't tell, and I'd agree. One concrete example is better than a lot of adjectives.

Speaking of examples, this is good visceral writing: "The sounds may seem inhumane and vulgar, but the accuracy of the sounds are so precise you may sympathize for the ligaments being eroded from Neville. It is a smorgasbord of screams in excruciating and agonizing pain."

It sounds like you aren't interested in publishing, rather in spreading the word about this game, and that's cool. But if you change your mind and want to re-work in hopes of going to our front-page, then I hope you'll give it a shot at editing.

Thanks for writin'!

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