I agree with what Brad had to say, especially #1, about condensing plot description. I appreciate the background info, because as a non-FPS player I don't know much about GoW at all. It should be kept minimal though, and remember, generally avoid spoilers. I suppose it doesn't matter that you gave the first game's ending away; although in some cases it might.
Less formality is also a good point. Related to that, avoid use of second person: "You..." this and "you..." that. You (
) can refer to yourself and your experience, or talk about the gamer/player.
I like the sentence about "My hands are being to sweat; I start feeling the pressure in my gut," gives some personal reaction. (Should be past tense for consistency.)
I also appreciate your singling out the music and sound effects. I always like to touch on a game's music myself, when it stood out to me. I don't know if it warrants that much space, but I guess it would depend on the size of your review after editing down some of the plot details.
At any rate, your enthusiasm comes through, and I got a laugh at the incongruent reference to Yukon Cornelius. If you're interested in being published on this site, I hope you'll consider a round of editing.
Keep on writin'.
--Jason