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Old 11-21-2008, 09:20 AM   #2
Jason Karney
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Re: Football Manager 2009 Gonzo Review please vote!!!

Hi,

You're off to a good start on this one.

If you're interested in seeing it on our front page, it would need to follow our format, of course.

Generally speaking, it could use some streamlining. I like the way your personality comes through, but there is too much verbiage of this type and I get a little bit lost among it. Physical linebreaks after each paragraph would also hep for reading online.

I think there is a lot of effort spent describing your reaction to the game, but I don't get a feel for what it's like to play the game. Part of that is because I think you've written to an audience that is very familiar with football/soccer games; and I'm not part of that audience. I would suggest writing a bit for the person who isn't in the loop when it comes to this game, in real life or videogame format. I had to do the same thing with my Soul Calibur IV review, for example: add an intro for someone who's never played it.

Thanks for sharing, and keep on writin'.

--Jason
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