That's right, you heard me. I've been playing your game "Saint's Row", and while the vast majority of the content falls under the standard GTA rip-off umbrella category of toothless satire and gangster juvenalia, there's one thing that I found truly offensive.
For those who haven't played the game, Freckle Bitch's is the preferred fast-food eatery in the world of Saint's Row. If that name seems painfully crude, avoid the game, because that's the absolute pinnacle of the wit on display.
The premise of 'Freckle Bitch's' is that Wendy (the little girl from the restaurant), all grown up into a white trash whore, has opened a chain of fast food joints of her own. It has menu items whose names are all bad single entendres of one sort or another, and a sign that depicts Wendy (the 'Freckle Bitch') sitting, legs splayed, dressed as Daisy Duke's far sluttier cousin. Although, by Daisy Duke I obviously mean Catherine Bach, because no one could be sluttier than Jessica Simpson.
Why is this so offensive to me? I'm not really sure, after all, who could have guessed I felt this strongly about a corporate mascot? Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that in the amoral and socially irresponsible world of corporate fast food, (the recently departed) Dave Thomas always seemed like the only decent person. I'd go so far as to guess that he was likely the only man in the whole industry who actually possessed a working soul, and there was just something innocent and charming about the fact that he named his business after his daughter. What Volition has done is gone ahead and leveraged those decades of goodwill for a pathetic joke that would have been just as funny (read as: not at all) were it not a reference, and just an original childish, misogynistic jibe.
Although, to be fair, it's still better than True Crime: New York's fast food chain, Fart Taco.
Seriously, though. Volition, go f*ck yourselves.
Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny, who's updating this profile for the first time in thirteen years!
So let's take a gander back at that time and see what's happened! In addition to writing hundreds of video game reviews, Dan produced a book that can be legally purchased by almost anyone! He also wrote two short films, two episodes of television, and two movies! Although, sadly, and through much fault of his own, the movies have yet to be released.
In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast!
If all that wasn't enough, just a few months ago he rebranded himself as 'The Hidden Object Guru', hoping to stake another claim of ultimate expertise, this time over a genre of casual games! Will he be successful? Only time will tell, but you're free to join the thrilling ride at his YouTube channel!