3DS

After weeks of waiting—the E3 experience finally got underway on Tuesday. It was an early start (5am, to be exact), but after a breakfast with some awesome people– including a conversation with James Stella, Sears Holdings' Divisional Merchandise Manager for Movies, Music, & Video Games—it was off to the L.A. Convention Center to pick up our E3 badge holders and shoot some video.

My first year of E3 had a slow start. Not knowing how early I should get there to pick up my press pass, I found myself in the L.A. Convention Center at 8 o'clock. The process of getting my badge took three minutes at the most, so I had about four hours to kill before the main show floors were open to the media.

So, I went to E3 2011 Day One today! I am just a person. Here is what there is to report.

Looking at the calendar, we're less than two weeks away from what will be one of the most important E3 events in recent memory when it comes to what I call the Hardware Trinity—that is Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft. Each of the three companies have issues to address. Nintendo is facing lackluster 3DS hardware sales and the lame-duck status of the Wii until its new platform is launched. Sony has to deal with the aftereffects of one of the largest online security breaches in history and major losses in the last year. Microsoft may seem bulletproof, but the stagnant nature of the Kinect sensor and a slow trickle of software for it call into question the viability of the technology.

These have been called Super Mario propaganda posters, but clearly these are Bowser propaganda posters. These are what we picture at the Bowser headquarters, in the Koopa and Goomba barracks and on the walls of their nurseries at home. It would only be through omnipresent propaganda that Bowser could command his followers on so many failed attempts to take over the Mushroom Kingdom.

Since their first appearance in Pokémon, Jessie and James (and Meowth) held the distinction for being some of the more unique adversaries you could come across in a video game world. Funny, annoying and empathetic, they were as big a part of the franchise as Ash Ketchum and crew. Given all that, it isn't surprising that someone like Malro-Doll would attempt Team Rocket cosplay.

Is Dead or Alive: Dimensions kiddy porn? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

The Dead or Alive series has never pretended to be anything but what it was. It featured nubile, scantily-clad women with entertaining breast physics that kicked and punched opponents across a fighting ring or stage. It was a game aimed squarely at young men and over the years it catered to that demographic to much success.

It's been years since I actually cared about a pair of kicks or Converse for that matter. I would gladly make an exception though if Nintendo and Converse bothered to release these limited-edition Super Mario Bros.-themed Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers in the United States.

Not sure how I feel about this. While I have no sympathy for Osama Bin Laden (he is slowly roasting in Hell and I am glad that he is), a videogame parody feels premature even weeks after his death. Still, it is a Mario parody and I figured you'd want to see it (if you haven't already) and judge for yourself.

Good thing Mario (and most video game characters/mascots) never got a portal gun. He (they) would get far too lazy and ruin his (their) games.